I have not found it necessary to
participate in my most destructive behavior since December 4, 1990.
However, in my favorite 12 step program, we have a saying. "If you
sober up a horse thief, what you have is a sober horse thief." I've
experienced resistance to every form of solution that's come my way
over the years, but for the grace of God, I have not had to return
to the more painful institutions of higher learning.
Blossom Run 2004
Ten years ago I surrendered my
nicotine addiction. My first born Son disappeared a few weeks later.
His remains were not discovered for 3 months. He was a few weeks
away from his 17th birthday. His mother and I had been separated for
5 years. The last time I saw my son, I was in the grip of nicotine
withdrawal. I remember how easily angered I was that weekend.
The ensuing guilt and remorse
pushed me into yet another inventory cycle. Among other things, I
found it necessary to own the fact that I had always placed more
importance on the women in my life than my own children. Mind you,
these were decisions I had made in "Recovery", not while in the grip
This site is dedicated in
Loving Memory of my Son "Jeremy Logan Higgins", May 19, 1980- April
24, 1997. We will ride together again.
My Son Jeremy
The process of recovery requires
courage and a willingness, at least on occasion, to embrace the
truth about oneself . When "PJ", my Girl Friend of three
years, passed away in April of 2002, I felt an emptiness I had never
experienced before. I ran head long and out of control through the
lives of two women in rapid succession.
When I could no longer stay a step
ahead of my pain, I again picked up a "simple kit of spiritual
tools". I entered yet another 12 step program and after "hangin'
around" for a few months I decided to bite the bullet and enter an
extremely difficult period of emotional withdrawal. I remained
single for the next 4 years.
On page 99 of the 12 Steps and 12
Tradition book is the prayer of Saint Francis. Repeated over and
over is the phrase "I may bring....". For most of my life, in and
out of recovery, I have showed up in one situation after another
asking myself ,What can I "take" from here? What does this situation
offer that will make me feel better?
Today, more and more, I look for ways to
feel better on my own. I find that I'm my worst enemy. "Whatever I
focus on increases". If I look towards the solution, the solution
increases. If I give my attention to whatever seems to be irritating
me, the irritation increases. God really doesn't need me to Police
this universe. God's only will for me is that I be Happy, Joyous and
Free. If I'm not, it's because I've chosen otherwise.
Today, it is my frequent hope that
I can bring to the lives of many a glimpse of what "Happy, Joyous
and Free" really means. I am so grateful to be able to add to
the lives of so many and at the same time offer an example of real
clean and sober fun that's available to anyone that wants it.
My vision is that SoberRun.Com
become a frequent stop for all individuals that have a desire to
live joyfully in recovery.
Finally, In the words of my late
sponsor, John Carney, "have a good day...if you want to".
May 25, 2007
This page was last updated